My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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