your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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