life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
