I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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