im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
