Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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