It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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