yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
