A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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