Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
