More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
