even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize