It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
