Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
