So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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