he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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