i permit you to call me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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