Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i now understand why vodka
Randomize