well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
