Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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