how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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