What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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