38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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