i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
