Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
