Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
