We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
