I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
