I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize