i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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