I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
