My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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