He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
