This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
