I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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