currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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