You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
