so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
