i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is my gift to your gina
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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