Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
