if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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