I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
