Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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