Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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