I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
