it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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