She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
