That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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