what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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