the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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