so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
