Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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