He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my being single is dangerous.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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