Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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