I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
