I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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