nut hugger
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
