i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
