I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
