She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
