After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
