We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
