Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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