I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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