My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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