We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
