does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
