yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
