half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
