You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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