i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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